Surprisingly, I have been having a pretty good week, despite Doodle's absense. Yesterday, Mr. Wonderful was off again, so we just played video games and straightened up the house a little and relaxed. Sometimes, I am amazed that after 12 years together we still find things to talk about and enjoy each other's company. We don't have to be doing anything special, just sitting, laughing, talking... I love him soo much. I have really been appreciating everything he does for his family lately. I mean, I have always been appreciating him, just more than usual lately. I am able to be a SAHM and take care of Doodle, all because he supports us. He goes to work for 12 hours a day and busts his ass....all for me and Doodle. I am truly thankful to have him in my life!! He is my best friend!!
So today I talked to the rep from the clinical trial. She asked some questions and then said that we would qualify to start the screening process. EXCITING!! Here's the kicker... I have to stop taking my Metformin. I am about to start my 3rd cycle of Clomid with OB and I don't want to stop taking it now. So I think I will finish out this cycle and then if I am no preggers then I will stop all medications for 2 months and then be able to start the trial. The other kicker is that there are some things that we will have to pay for. The semen analysis and some ultra sounds and things of that nature will all be our responsibility, but she said that the semen analysis was only $60-65, which I think is very reasonable. Thought it was going to cost like $250. Since insurance doesn't cover the RE, I think this the way to go. Plus I will be monitored and such, unlike at the OB's office.
On another note, Aunt Flo seems to be making her exit just as quickly as she made her entrance. *TMI coming up... I didn't even have to use a tampon at all today. What is going on?? I think it is from the Clomid. I know that it can decrease your lining. I just hope it isn't decreasing it tooo much to make a baby. This cycle just doesn't feel right.
Since I started my own blog, I have become increasingly obsessed with reading everyone else's. There are so many amazing stories out there. Some that are great and some that just make me cry and remember how incredibly lucky....no, blessed... I am to have the life and the family that I do. Last night I was up until 2 in the AM reading Hudson's One Good Thing. I'm not sure why it drew me in. I have never lost a child, but for some reason I was just drawn to reading it. I started at the beginning and I have only gotten to the 3rd month of her blog. I just couldn't stop. Half the time I was smiling and laughing at the videos and pictures, and the other half I was sobbing like a baby. The way Hudson's mother tells her story is amazing. I'm not sure how I would be if I were to loose my Doodle, but I don't think would have such grace and strength as Hudson's mom. I am so inspired by her. It has truly helped me think about this whole TTC #2 thing. Yes, I still want it just as bad as before, but I am so thankful that my Doodle wasn't taken from me. In the hospital the week before she made her grand entrance, I was absolutely terrified that she would be. Since then I have forgotten about how quickly she could still be taken away. It has definitely reminded me to appreciate every little thing....including the annoying attitude, not listening when I say something, and arguing over doing homework.
Thank you, Hudson's mommy for reminding me of that. I think this is just one of the other amazing "One Good Things" Hudson left behind!!
My jelly bean
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Great Day!!
So on Saturday, Doodlebug left to go on vacay with her grandparents (man I miss those days when I was invited too). Today was Mr. Wonderful's first day off from work since then and we spent the morning having delicious french toast (my fave) and watching movies. It was so relaxing. Then this evening we went out side and did productive things!! We cut the grass (yes, WE), then I planted some flowers around our new mailbox and cleaned up our front porch. I have to confess, I never thought owning our own home could be so gratifying. I love spending time doing things around the house, even outside, which I never used to.
On another note, Aunt Flo is knocking at my door.... I think. There was a touch of pinkness the last couple times I took a potty break. I know, TMI!! But this is something that I am actually excited about!!! This is the first time in over 18 months that she will have visited all on her own!!! At least something is working right in my body!!
So I have another confession, I haven't been taking all of my medicine the way that I should. I switched to taking it at night because I have been sleeping in since summer started, thinking that it would be easier. Actually I keep forgetting to take it period. Not Good!!! I have to do better.
Well, that's all for today. I must go and shower so I can get back to enjoying a quiet house with Mr. Wonderful!
On another note, Aunt Flo is knocking at my door.... I think. There was a touch of pinkness the last couple times I took a potty break. I know, TMI!! But this is something that I am actually excited about!!! This is the first time in over 18 months that she will have visited all on her own!!! At least something is working right in my body!!
So I have another confession, I haven't been taking all of my medicine the way that I should. I switched to taking it at night because I have been sleeping in since summer started, thinking that it would be easier. Actually I keep forgetting to take it period. Not Good!!! I have to do better.
Well, that's all for today. I must go and shower so I can get back to enjoying a quiet house with Mr. Wonderful!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
How I got where I am today...
Wow...where to begin. I guess since this blog is supposed to be about trying to conceive #2 with PCOS, I should start there.
Well, my periods were never really normal, not a typical 28 day cycle but they were often enough as a teenager to drive me crazy. Then when I was 18 I started birth control and this did help regulate them. It also helped me to put on a few extra pounds. Then I started to skip the last week of BC pills to skip Aunt Flo. I started dating my husband about 6 months before my 19th birthday. We dated for 5 1/2 months and then we got engaged. About a year and a half later I stopped taking my BC. I'm not real sure why. We didn't want to have a baby, but I figured I would have a baby when God saw fit.
Well thankfully, we made it to the wedding day with out a baby. Since going off of BC, my cycles were 3 months long. That was how often I would have one with the BC so I thought my body just regulated itself to every 3 months.
A little over a year after being married we found out we were pregnant. It was a fairly easy pregnancy....until we hit 7 months. I went into pre-term labor. I was in the hospital for a over week. The doctors had given me medicine to stop the labor but would not let me leave. Then on the 8th day there, I went into labor again and at 1:11AM on February 6, 2003, our precious Doodlebug was born, 7 1/2 weeks early. She was healthy!!! Breathing on her own, a whopping 5 1/2 pounds and 19 inches long!!! She had Mr. Wonderful's chin, dark hair and long fingers and toes. It was clear that I was just merely the incubator!!! None of me at all!!! (My genes finally made their appearance within her attitude, LOL) We were fortunate that she only had to remain in the hospital for 10 days and then was able to come home. She has been surprising everyone and continuing to things in her time and doesn't care what the "norm" is. But it has been and amazing 8 1/2 years!!!
We definitely didn't want to have another one right away. I decided to get the Depo shot so I wouldn't have to worry about remembering to take a pill everyday and take care of a newborn. THAT WAS A MISTAKE!!!! I gained so much weight afterwards and I didn't have a period at all. I only got one more after that and then we just used condoms as prevention because I didn't want to take the shot anymore. When I stopped going to get the shot my periods just never really came back. When Doodlebug was about 2 1/2, Mr. Wonderful and I agreed that we may be ready to have another one.
I knew something wasn't quite right. I should have been having a period much more often than what I was. They just kept getting farther and farther apart until I was having about 1 a year!!! I know, I know!! Why didn't I go to the doctor sooner, right?? This is something that I have tried to ask myself so many times. I think it was for a couple of different reasons. A - I didn't have health insurance. Mr. Wonderful and Doodlebug were covered but it would have cost twice as much to add me to Mr. Wonderful's plan at his job. B - I think as much as I wanted another baby, I was definitely even more terrified to actually have one. I felt like I was incredibly lucky and blessed with the out come of Doodlebugs early delivery and there was no way that I could be that lucky again. There was no known reason for her to arrive early, so there is no guarantee.
So eventually, I started doing research on my own and diagnosed myself with PCOS a couple of years ago. It made everything make sense. Why I couldn't seem to loose weight no matter what I did. Why I had these horrible thick hairs growing on my chin. Why I didn't have a period. Why I wasn't pregnant after 5 years. It all made sense.
So Mr Wonderful got a new job that has affordable insurance. We bought our first house and celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and Doodlebugs 8th birthday. So I decided I needed to stop just waiting for something to miraculously happen and make it happen myself. So I found a PCP that I liked and told her that I suspected that I had PCOS. She sent me for blood work and at my follow up she said that she agreed. She could put me on Metformin to help with insulin but I needed to go to OB for help with everything else. In march I went to the OB. She added Provera to my med to make AF show up. In May I started my first cycle with Clomid. I take it on day 5-9 of my cycle to make me ovulate. I just completed my second cycle and no positive pregnancy test yet. But I did have my first positive ovulation test this past cycle which was amazing. I don't think I've ovulated in the past 8 years!!! Ha ha ha!! It was so exciting.
So now I have one more round of Clomid and if it doesn't work then we will have to see a reproductive endocronologist. Which of course our insurance doesn't cover. But I did just find out that a medical college in the area is actually doing a clinical study on PCOS and testing clomid and femara (another fertility medication) to see which one helps more with women and PCOS and getting pregnant. I have emailed the contact for the study to get more info and see if Mr. Wonderful and I can participate.
So that brings you up to speed on just about everything, so I guess on to the FUTURE!!!
Well, my periods were never really normal, not a typical 28 day cycle but they were often enough as a teenager to drive me crazy. Then when I was 18 I started birth control and this did help regulate them. It also helped me to put on a few extra pounds. Then I started to skip the last week of BC pills to skip Aunt Flo. I started dating my husband about 6 months before my 19th birthday. We dated for 5 1/2 months and then we got engaged. About a year and a half later I stopped taking my BC. I'm not real sure why. We didn't want to have a baby, but I figured I would have a baby when God saw fit.
Well thankfully, we made it to the wedding day with out a baby. Since going off of BC, my cycles were 3 months long. That was how often I would have one with the BC so I thought my body just regulated itself to every 3 months.
A little over a year after being married we found out we were pregnant. It was a fairly easy pregnancy....until we hit 7 months. I went into pre-term labor. I was in the hospital for a over week. The doctors had given me medicine to stop the labor but would not let me leave. Then on the 8th day there, I went into labor again and at 1:11AM on February 6, 2003, our precious Doodlebug was born, 7 1/2 weeks early. She was healthy!!! Breathing on her own, a whopping 5 1/2 pounds and 19 inches long!!! She had Mr. Wonderful's chin, dark hair and long fingers and toes. It was clear that I was just merely the incubator!!! None of me at all!!! (My genes finally made their appearance within her attitude, LOL) We were fortunate that she only had to remain in the hospital for 10 days and then was able to come home. She has been surprising everyone and continuing to things in her time and doesn't care what the "norm" is. But it has been and amazing 8 1/2 years!!!
We definitely didn't want to have another one right away. I decided to get the Depo shot so I wouldn't have to worry about remembering to take a pill everyday and take care of a newborn. THAT WAS A MISTAKE!!!! I gained so much weight afterwards and I didn't have a period at all. I only got one more after that and then we just used condoms as prevention because I didn't want to take the shot anymore. When I stopped going to get the shot my periods just never really came back. When Doodlebug was about 2 1/2, Mr. Wonderful and I agreed that we may be ready to have another one.
I knew something wasn't quite right. I should have been having a period much more often than what I was. They just kept getting farther and farther apart until I was having about 1 a year!!! I know, I know!! Why didn't I go to the doctor sooner, right?? This is something that I have tried to ask myself so many times. I think it was for a couple of different reasons. A - I didn't have health insurance. Mr. Wonderful and Doodlebug were covered but it would have cost twice as much to add me to Mr. Wonderful's plan at his job. B - I think as much as I wanted another baby, I was definitely even more terrified to actually have one. I felt like I was incredibly lucky and blessed with the out come of Doodlebugs early delivery and there was no way that I could be that lucky again. There was no known reason for her to arrive early, so there is no guarantee.
So eventually, I started doing research on my own and diagnosed myself with PCOS a couple of years ago. It made everything make sense. Why I couldn't seem to loose weight no matter what I did. Why I had these horrible thick hairs growing on my chin. Why I didn't have a period. Why I wasn't pregnant after 5 years. It all made sense.
So Mr Wonderful got a new job that has affordable insurance. We bought our first house and celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and Doodlebugs 8th birthday. So I decided I needed to stop just waiting for something to miraculously happen and make it happen myself. So I found a PCP that I liked and told her that I suspected that I had PCOS. She sent me for blood work and at my follow up she said that she agreed. She could put me on Metformin to help with insulin but I needed to go to OB for help with everything else. In march I went to the OB. She added Provera to my med to make AF show up. In May I started my first cycle with Clomid. I take it on day 5-9 of my cycle to make me ovulate. I just completed my second cycle and no positive pregnancy test yet. But I did have my first positive ovulation test this past cycle which was amazing. I don't think I've ovulated in the past 8 years!!! Ha ha ha!! It was so exciting.
So now I have one more round of Clomid and if it doesn't work then we will have to see a reproductive endocronologist. Which of course our insurance doesn't cover. But I did just find out that a medical college in the area is actually doing a clinical study on PCOS and testing clomid and femara (another fertility medication) to see which one helps more with women and PCOS and getting pregnant. I have emailed the contact for the study to get more info and see if Mr. Wonderful and I can participate.
So that brings you up to speed on just about everything, so I guess on to the FUTURE!!!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Here goes nothing!!
So here I go, on a blogging adventure. I never really had the desired to share all of thoughts with complete strangers until recently. Why the sudden interest?? Well it's kinda a long story, so here's the semi short version.
My husband (Mr. Wonderful) and I have been married for 10 years and we have the most amazing 8 year old daughter, Doodle (obviously not her real name, but will be for the sake of blogging). We have been trying to conceive our second child for about the last 6 years, very unsuccessfully. I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) about 6 months ago. I will save the details of that for another day, but it has left me with a lot of over-whelming feelings that I must share with someone, or I just might go crazy!!!
Feelings such as.........
anxiety......depression......loneliness.......frustration........anger........betrayal.......sorrow........resentment.....etc..
I am hoping that by blogging, I can relieve some of my own stress, and maybe even help others going through similar issues. I am on Facebook, but I don't share much on there because I don't like every one knowing my business. I am also on Babycenter.com, but even surrounded my so many others that share similar stories, I still feel like I can't be myself. What if someone doesn't agree, or like what I have to say, or thinks I'm wrong. That is the main reason why I decided to blog. If you don't like what I have to say, or don't want to hear me bitch...then don't read it!!!! It feels so liberating just typing that!!! Hahaha.....who knew this could be this much fun!!! And I just started.
Tomorrow I will start with my past....that should be fun!!
So....HERE GOES NOTHING!!!!
My husband (Mr. Wonderful) and I have been married for 10 years and we have the most amazing 8 year old daughter, Doodle (obviously not her real name, but will be for the sake of blogging). We have been trying to conceive our second child for about the last 6 years, very unsuccessfully. I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) about 6 months ago. I will save the details of that for another day, but it has left me with a lot of over-whelming feelings that I must share with someone, or I just might go crazy!!!
Feelings such as.........
anxiety......depression......loneliness.......frustration........anger........betrayal.......sorrow........resentment.....etc..
I am hoping that by blogging, I can relieve some of my own stress, and maybe even help others going through similar issues. I am on Facebook, but I don't share much on there because I don't like every one knowing my business. I am also on Babycenter.com, but even surrounded my so many others that share similar stories, I still feel like I can't be myself. What if someone doesn't agree, or like what I have to say, or thinks I'm wrong. That is the main reason why I decided to blog. If you don't like what I have to say, or don't want to hear me bitch...then don't read it!!!! It feels so liberating just typing that!!! Hahaha.....who knew this could be this much fun!!! And I just started.
Tomorrow I will start with my past....that should be fun!!
So....HERE GOES NOTHING!!!!
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