Drs appt

So I had my 1st u/s this past Tuesday and then my Dr's appt that afternoon after lunch. At the u/s we found out that I'm not nearly as far along as they thought.  I was 5wks 5 days, 6 wks 2 days today, which doesn't surprise me at. I have PCOS and the fact that I ovulated at all on my own is a miracle.

The u/s tech was very nice. At one point she turned on the sound and we heard a heart beat, but she didn't say anything, so I figured It was just mine. I didn't think we would have been able to hear it so early, but atleast I got to see him. She gave me a couple of pictures and told me to go have lunch and come back to see the doctor. Red Robin, here we come!! lol!!

Then I go for my appt. The Dr. was saying everything looked great on the u/s and how surprised she was that we got to hear the heart beat!! I was like "WHAT?!?" That was the baby's?? She laughed and said that it was 92 beats per min, which is low but that is just because it is still so early. She said she normally never hears one before the middle of the 6th week. So with that, everything was going GREAT!!

Then we discussed my pregnancy with DD 10 years ago which was premature, 7 1/2 weeks. We also discussed the laser surgery I had on my cervix when I was 18 for dysplaysia. 

Because of these issues, and PCOS, I am considered very high risk. I will be having u/s every 3-4 weeks. At 16 weeks I have to see a special doctor and they will measure my cervix. I will definitely have to start giving my self shots of progesterone in wk 16 thru wk 35, and worse case scenario I will have to have a stitch put in to keep my cervix closed. But she is going to do everything possible to keep this baby in here as long as possible!! I love my Doctor!! All in All a great appt and I feel sooo much better after knowing that I got hear his heart beat!!!! 

Wish me luck and...PRAY!!

So yesterday morning hormones were raging and I woke up extremely....*happy* with Mr. Wonderful, if you catch my drift. After an early morning *rendezvous* I went to the bathroom as usual. What did I see?? The worst thing ever when you are pregnant...blood!! I know it is totally normal but it is still frightening. I waited a few minutes and went back to the bathroom and this time it was heavier and brighter. I called my Dr's office and paged the on-call physician. She finally returned my call and I told her everything. Of course she said the same thing that was going through my mind already. Then I asked if I should go to the hospital and instead of a reassuring response she said, "There is no point, we can't do anything and you are too early to have an u/s. Just wait for you appt. on Tuesday."

Not very comforting at all!!! Not too mention, presumptuous and wrong. She didn't even ask how far along I was. She didn't even realize that my appt was for an u/s. If I can have one on Tues, I'm positive I could have one Sunday.

Nevertheless, I called my Momma. Who I always call when I need help. She told me that the Dr was right about it  being completely normal and I just needed to relax and take it easy, but if I started to bleed heavier to go to the hospital and demand to be seen. So, I stayed on the couch all day. I have continued to spot since then, but it got lighter and today was only slightly brown, and recently nothing.  Hopefully, this is good news.

But what did I do all day, today?? Sit on the couch and torture myself by reading hundreds of stories of miscarriages in the first trimester. So now I am just scared and preparing my self for the worst.

I am torn between thinking a) God did not make me wait this long for a baby to just take it away and everything is fine and I am just stressing for no reason.
b) My body has fought me for the last 7 years, why would it stop fighting me know?? (STUPID PCOS)

So my appt is at 12:00 tomorrow for an U/S and then meet with the Dr. and 2:00. Wish me luck and please keep me and my family in your prayers.

Still Positive!!

So this morning I woke up extra early and POAS again.... And it was still POSITIVE!!!!

I called and made an appt. with the Dr.  I go to the local office tomorrow for a pregnancy confirmation. Then next Tuesday, April 24th for my first U/S and Dr. visit at the office an hour away.

It is still so surreal. I have waited for this for so long, I can't believe it is real.

It's Positive!!!!!

That's right... it's POSITIVE!!!!!  I haven't been on in a while because I haven't really had anything to write about.  I haven't been taking any meds, or charting, or anything fertility related. I had been keeping track of my cycles and they weren't perfect but they were much more regular than before. My last cycle started on Feb 28th... I was supposed to start (if I was normal) the first week of April and when I didn't, I just figured my body was being stupid again.

According to the computer's calculations I am 7 weeks pregnant and due on Dec 4, 2012.

I know some one will ask, "didn't you know you were pregnant or have any symptoms?"

Of course I did, I just didn't think they were symptoms at the time. Such as, two weeks ago I was having the most bizarre dreams and even woke up at one point and was crying (I thought it was due some drinks I had the night before). Last week my sinuses were so bad that there was blood (although they hadn't done that since I was preggo with DD, I just figured the pollen was really bad). Then I have been really tired (I figured it was because I had been doing so much gardening). The last few days I have had a sour feeling in my stomach, a little cramping, and really sore breasts (I just figured AF was on her way). Last night, after DH and I did the deed, I had a little spotting and figured AF would be here this morning.

 When she didn't show I decided to pick up a test on my way to pick up the boy I babysit. I wasn't expecting it to be positve (becuase it never has been). While sitting in the driveway waiting for his bus I really had to pee so I went in the house (it's my besties house and I have a key).

Right away that line turned blue!!!! I don't think it was even that fast when I found out about DD!!

I was sooo excited I had to tell someone but I was all alone.. who could I tell. It was something I wanted to share with DH over the phone so....I called my momma....She was so excited and started crying!!!

Then I came home and told DH and DD... They are both so happy. DH had to go to the ABC store and get a bottle of his favorite American Honey.

Even though we know it's not official and we are not the "safe" period, we have told...... EVERYONE!!! I don't care... after waiting 7 1/2 years to see two lines show up...just the possibility is enough to share!!!

So I guess you will be seeing more of me now that i have something to write about again.

Oh, i almost forgot.. another reason why I have been so busy.. we pulled DD out of school right before Christmas break and have been homeschooling ever since. We love it and I am so thankful that my husband supports me and everything I do. DD had blossomed since taking her out and we have actually grown so much closer in our relationship.

:'(

So judging by the title of this post, you can guess what the test said. BFN!.  Oh well. I still don't know what caused me to get sick all of a sudden and I haven't gotten sick then. I guess it could have been anything.

AF still hasn't arrived yet. I'm not sure what that is about either.

One good thing has come out of this. I was on the fence about doing the trial and was thinking about just going back on Metformin and seeing if a few months of that would somehow miraculously make me get pregnant. I just didn't want to go back on the fertility meds and be on that emotional roller coaster. I've had a lot of other things going on have been quite distracted the past 2 months, or so, and haven't been thinking about a baby to much.

Well after last night, I am definitely going to call the clinical trial and get started. I really don't want to wait anymore. Doodlebug is going to be 9 years old in just a couple of months and I was hoping to be done having babies before I was thirty. Here I am 31 and still praying for another one.

If I had know that it was going to be this hard I would have tried immediately after she was born for another one.  But, NO, I had to do the responsible thing and wait until we were more stable, in our own home, and in a much better place financially. Why is it so easy for my 19 year old, pot head, uneducated, jobless, husbandless neighbor to get pregnant, and not me?

I don't know.

But what I do know is that I am eternally grateful for what I DO have. This struggle has, with out a doubt, made me a better mother to Doodlebug. I cherish every moment I have with her (not that I didn't before). Sometimes it is so easy to get busy with life and overlook the small things. For instance, last night, Doodle and I went to dinner. Just the two of us. We sat at Olive Garden (her favorite) and laughed, and talked, and did homework. Then she wanted to go shopping at the Dollar Tree. She is such a smart girl.

I have had friends, acquaintances, and even teachers make comments about what an amazing young lady she is. Her kindergarten teacher told me at our first conference that she had never had a student with such great manners. What a compliment that was. We must be doing something right. Even all of my husband's cousins, who all have kids, always say they wish their kids were as good as Doodle. I just think to myself "well if you were as involved with your kid, and appreciated your time with them like I do, then you could".

I am reminded of when Mr. Wonderful and I had been trying for about a year and a half for another one and his cousin-in-law popped up pregnant 6 weeks after giving birth when she went in for her appt to have her tubes tied. The entire 9 months she was pregnant anytime she would ask if I was pregnant and of course the answer was no, she would look at me and say " Well you can have this one, cause I didn't want it" (as she pointed to round belly). What a Bitch!!!!!

Anyway, enough ranting for the moment.

SO THE PLAN IS: 1) Stop having a pity party and get my shit together. 2) Call the clinical trial and set up an appointment. 3) Continue to appreciate all I have and stop feeling guilty for wanting more.

I'm going CRAZY!!!!!

So I am sitting here on my couch going crazy. About an hour ago, I started puking for NO reason. I do not feel sick and I only vomitted once.

So why am I going crazy? AF was supposed to be here today and hasn't shown up. I also haven't had any cramping lately.

COULD I ACTUALLY BE PREGNANT? I don't want to get my hopes up.

I do have a few other symptoms such as:  increased fatigue, I have been eating everything I see the past week (which I attributed to PMS), I also had a nightmare last week (which I NEVER have), called my mom crying 2 nights ago because I wanted to be with my family on Christmas, I have been peeing more frequently, and *TMI* I have been having more CM the past few days. All of these things I just attributed to PMS, and I guess they still could be. Thanks to PCOS, it isn't uncommon for my period to be a few days late, or to have most of these symptoms. Just because Fertility Friend says I should start today doesn't guarantee it.

Mr. Wonderful is working night shift and Doodle bug is in bed so I can't go to the store and I don't have any tests here. I called my best friend and she is going to go to the store when she gets off work in an hour or two and get me a test. So until then I will just go crazy.

In the past hour I have called my husband and my mom. I told both of them that I either had food poisoning, a stomach virus, or was pregnant. Now we are all going crazy!!  I have also taken an "Am I Pregnant Quiz?" on the internet. It told me I was "PROBABLY PREGNANT'.  Yea...Like that didn't get me excited.

I just went to the bathroom 30 mins ago and I have to pee, AGAIN!! What does this mean? Is it from the 3 glasses of iced tea I have had this evening? Or AM I PREGNANT??

I am going to go crazy the next couple of hours wondering. Then I will probably cry myself to sleep. Either in disappointment or excitement. Either way, I just need to know.

I will post the results tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed and say and little prayer for me.

CD 1......Again!!

That's right.... AF showed up this morning.  Early at that...and with terrible cramps. I have actually been cramping for a couple of days. But, at least she is here on her own for the third time in a row.  I have also been exhausted for about a week. Tuesday I slept basically for the entire day and I have been in bed before 11 every night this week.

It has been a rough couple of weeks. I haven't been feeling great. I was having severe sinus and ear pain for a couple of days. It was soooo painful that I got really nauseaus and dizzy. After a trip to the doctor I found out that it wasn't just a typical sinus infection or ear infection like I thought. Apparently I have ETD (Eustacian Tube Dysfunction). It can occur in a split second and become very painful and just as fast as it appeared, it subsides. CRAZY!!!! PAINFUL!!!! And the best news is that there isn't really anything to do. It can become irritated by bad allergies and so I was prescribed NOSE SPRAY for EAR PAIN!! Doesn't really make sense to me, but I guess it has helped.

So I was supposed to call and setup an appt. to start the clinical trial, but I haven't yet since I haven't been feeling to well, and since I AF showed up today I guess it doesn't really matter since they wouldn't be able to do much until next cycle.

I dunno. Part of me wonders if I will just MAGICALLY become pregnant since my period has decided to become regular on its own. Then part of me wonders if I were to just try naturally for a while if my cycles would go back to being screwy and I would be back and square one again.
Maybe, just maybe it would work. But then again that is the same thing I thought for SIX years of trying and not doing anything. And it got me nothing.

I guess I should call them and make an appt.